What I am holding on to

I am holding on to the things that are important, I don’t want to waste spaces on things that are of no value.

 

I don’t want to waste my life space on fear of the unknown and fear of the known; on grudges and on the wrongs done to me; what’s the point other them eating away my sleep and increasing acid levels.

 

What I am NOT holding onto are the things that walk away from me and turn their back against me.

 I am holding on to friends, the ones I call in the middle of the night and they are affected by what I go through, the ones that cry with me and sometimes try so hard to fight the tears so they stay strong for me.

 I am holding on to friends the ones we go quite for years and then when we meet I know we will laugh at our college jokes; about that guy who rounded things to the nearest tenth and made his own conclusions about me; I know we will laugh about old movies and old experiences, and I know I am important even if we don’t talk often, and I know that they are here for the long haul.

I am holding on to the friends I met briefly whom I may never meet again but I know for a long time they will think about me and I will think of them too, I know their kindness was real and I found a lot of beauty in the stories we shared and the stories we created.

I am holding on to kindness shown by strangers who stopped to help me, to give me directions, to chat with me about the weather and the politics (whose dynamics I don’t always understand) and sometimes to complain about a common problem.

I am holding on to love the kind that rejoices in truth and is not boastful, the kind whose size is even bigger than hope.

I am holding on to kindness, shown by the ones in my life.

 

I am holding on to family the people I go to with tears and smiles and heartaches. I am holding on to  sunrises and all the beautiful moments shared with them.

 

I am holding on to God and his promises and all the things he says about me- that I will not be forgotten and that I am chosen no matter how many times the world choosers leave me out. 

 

I am holding on to prayers, the early mornings and late nights prayers, and the one that comes out as a sigh and the one worded prayers, the prayers that come out as a sigh and the ones that come out as a scream.

 

I am holding on to patience and forgiveness.

I am holding on to a heart that is soft and tender, that refuses to be hardened by what’s bad in the world, that seeks peace and seeks to create a difference.

 

I am holding on to my dreams.

 

These are the things I will refuse to let go off.