My first taste of the big stage was in primary school during independence celebrations.
I was in grade 1. The entire school and together with parents were gathered to become part of the celebrations.
I was given a role as mother with a sick child and had to take my ‘child’ to the clinic.
The idea was to demonstrate how Botswana had grown as a country and had accessible health facilities.
I was supposed to say only two lines.
Just two lines.
I felt a knot of fear in my stomach, the kind that one never forgets.
I choked but spoke nonetheless.
And my sister who at the time was 3 classes ahead of me asked me after the performance with concern if I was crying.
She said I sounded like I was crying and she was really felt sorry for me.
Why was I so nervous on stage when other kids never thought of stages as a big deal?
I don’t have answers to this maybe my half baked answer is that I was not wired the same as other kids.
After that dreadful day I have had many chances as a child of being on the stage- reciting memory chapters on Sunday School big days and on Prize Giving Days; taking part on school shows during commonwealth and other special days, as well as being part of many other activities.
I have also been part of the debating club and on some occasions became the best speaker.
I have endured many dry mouth experiences but I survived and even managed to successfully get my message through to the audience.
With practice I can only hope I stopped sounding like I someone crying.
Here is the truth stages are not really an exciting moment for me instead I see them as a necessary moment.
I understand what Susan Cain the author of “The Power of an Introvert” and the grade 1 kid that I was understood that what is necessary needs to be done despite the discomfort.
There has not been a single time I stood without preparing vigorously. I cringe on stage but I know it has to be done.
When I started blogging I felt like that grade 1 child again, vulnerable and on a stage that is too big for me.
This February I celebrate two years of being brave, being on this platform standing here and saying my two lines, okay now it is more than two lines.
It is not always easy, I have a day job, I have two boys who would rather I read stories and I am a wife, a sister and a friend and many things to others.
But that is not always the hardest part, the hardest part is having to stand on this platform and post my words.
In the process of writing and posting my words here I have learnt a lot.
I have learnt to do away with excuses that many of us choose to cling to- the excuse that it is modest to hide your sunshine.
I am learning not to hide my sunshine and not hide my beautiful colors.
Picture Credit Charlotte Simpson
I remind myself it is okay to be on stage and show my beauty and not be too conscious.
I remind myself that it is okay to tell a friend or anyone who cares to listen that “hey I am a writer, I run a blog”.
It used to feel like I am bragging, like I am being salesy and calling attention to myself.
There have been times I had wished I had a PR of sorts to tell the world about it instead of me doing that bit (Thankfully my husband has done a good job at PR-ing for me.
Meanwhile I am still learning to shine.
I remind myself that the fire burns brightly without a shame and the sun, the sun which I love so much, every day it rises with no shame and it has a bigger platform and a wider reach.
If I hide my sunshine and my part is missing in the world stage I will be like that dolphin that refuses to dance, or the bird that refuses to sing because someone is paying attention.
I think of how my eyes would experience less beauty if the stars refused to shine and if the peacock closed its wings and not let the fullness of its colors show, or if the rivers refused to flow because someone is watching.
My eyes and yours too would miss such wonders and beauty, we will miss to witness the beauty that heals and builds the souls.
Now I know to keep going and to keep posting.
I keep posting, doing this for days when someone comes in and says
“your words, your words helped me get through a tough day today, your words reminded me to keep running after I failed, your words inspired me to keep dreaming and trying”.
Such are the rewards that make me want to keep saying my two lines.
Such are the things I look forward to every time I pen the words.
Such are the things that give me strength, that make me brave to stand on this stage, on this platform because l know it is not for me but for souls that are longing for one more word just to keep on trying.
I have learnt that whatever little knowledge I have is indispensable to someone else.
I have learnt to share and not be afraid of the portions of my sharings because I understand that one little star that twinkle through night sky contributes to the entire night beauty.
I have learnt not to be afraid of how little I know of the subject.
And today I remind you to call on your best self and let your talents shine.
Refuse to be undone by fear, refuse to be undone by the thoughts that may be you are not a natural, that maybe your contribution is insignificant.
Go on take photos, write books, give speeches, do research and do whatever else your heart longs to contribute to make our hours and days better.